The origin of DoLT:
One day, probably about 28 years ago, I was walking through the woods alone on a hot sunny winter night. The breeze was nice and the air smelled fresh until i stumbled upon a glowing rock. I thought to myself "hmm, that seems odd" so i picked the rock up.. As soon as I did, a spirit of a man name Dimitri flew out.. he told me when i make it to the fork in the pathway, i needed to go down the left side.. When i asked why, a gold key fell out of his butt and he floated away....
So i picked up the key and headed on my way...
As i approached the fork i remembered what Dimitri had told me and started to head down the left path, but before i made my way down the path a giant one eyed green scaley man-beast jumped out at me, he snarled and asked for my help.... Scared out of my mind i didnt know what to do.. but i noticed the man-beast wasnt moving past a certain point.... As i got closer i saw that he was trapped at hit right ankle with a padlock... he said "Please dont be afraid.. My name is Orion.. I was out looking for food for my family for our winter hibernation and i got trapped by some poachers" i didnt know what to do but i tried to only thing that came to mind.... The Gold butt Key.. it worked!! He was so thankful for my help that he sent me down the right path to his secret cave full of gold.. I thought about what Dimitri had said to me.. but i didnt see any harm in taking a quick detour to load up some dough.. so i went right instead.. i could always come back down the left after i gather all that i want... right?
Making my way down the right path things started to get weirder and weirder... the trees were morphing into lifesavers and the birds and forest animals had human legs growing out of their heads..but as long as the sun was out i kept moving.. What a bad decision that was... About a half a mile down the right path the fresh air started to turn fowl....I came to an old beat up bridge... when i looked over the ledge it appeared that the bridge was going over a river of poo.. but the river didnt flow all the way through, at the end it formed a giant pile.. On the verge of throwing up bc of the awful smell i made my way across the old bridge as fast as i could...I was about 3 more steps from getting to the end when a turd hit me across the face and knocked me off into the steaming river below..Thinking to myself if i wasnt going to die from the fall.. im sure to die from whatever is in the poo river..As i hit the poo head first i saw a sudden beam of light, i thought i was dead, but shortly after...i surfaced in the maggot infested pooage to the giant mound of feces. And just when i thought i saw it all.. the Giant Turd Pile spoke to me...go figure.... "Who dare disrupts the great and powerful Lenix!!!" Shocked and not a clue what to say to a pile of shushh.. i told Lenix "ummmm, Orion sent me"
He said "LIES!! Orion is dead.. he hasnt been to his cave in 100 years.. You must be punished, trespasser!!" and before i could explain to him that i saved Orion he formed a giant hammer of poo and smashed it over my head...
But it was all a dream...And when i snapped out of my sleep, my friend Tommy was there laughing at the fact i kept talking about butt keys man-beast and poop in my sleep.. but all i could think about was "Why did Dimitri have the key in his butt of all places?"
and thats how i came up with my name DoLT..