Ladies and Gentlemen of the 1up Clan Community:
Play Urban Terror.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, playing Urban Terror would be it. The long-term benefits of playing Urban Terror have been proven by gamers everywhere, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own LAN-Party experience. I will dispense this advice… now.
Enjoy the power and speed of your computer. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and speed of your computer until you've tried to play Quake on a 486-25 SX. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at screenshots of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how much you really owned. You are not as bad as Cheeky.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to strafe jump from one rooftop to another on ut_Village with 20% health. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the 50% packet-loss that blindsides you at 2 a.m. on some Friday night because “someone” has WinMX running.
Do one thing every day that scares your clan-mates.
MP5K Spam.
Don't mind the flames from other clans.
Don't put up with clans that Wall-Hack.
Play all Night.
Don't waste your time on ping envy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The match is long, and in the end, it's the team with the last man standing that wins.
Forget all the times you stepped on your own HE Grenade. Remember the 6 flag caps you got on FroGGer’s Pond. If you have too many flag caps to remember, tell me how.
Keep your old demos. Throw away your old Voodoo 1.
Spawn Camp.
Don't feel guilty if you end up in the enemy's spawn and spam to keep yourself alive. The good Urban Terror players are able to camp my spawn, hours at a time. Some of the best Urban Terror players I know still haven't left.
Get plenty of ammo. Be kind to your knees.
You'll miss them when they're shot off.
Maybe you're 133t, maybe you’re not. Maybe you'll win the Nostromo Game-pads in the EverLAN Urban Terror Tourney, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40 because your wife thinks you play too many video games, maybe you'll both be playing Asheron’s Call on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't take losing too seriously, or winning either. Your defense was probably half-assed. So was your offense.
Enjoy your Franchi SPAS-12. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid to spam with it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest weapon you'll ever own with.
Learn to snipe with the Remington SR-8. Even if you have to shoot your own teammates playing ut_Rommel.
Avoid the Flash-Bang. Even if you have to die trying.
Do not read the Top Ten OGL Clan list.
It will only make your clan feel like ****.
Get to know your Medics. You never know when your Band-Aids™ will be gone for good. Be nice to your Sniper. They're your last line of defense and the people most likely to kill the flag runners.
Understand that clans come and go, but only a respectable few live on in memory. Work hard to bridge the gaps between beta 1.27 and 2.5, because the older it gets, the more you'll miss the people who fragged with you when you were young.
Play on Cowboy Carnage once, but leave before it makes you hard. Play on FroGGer’s Pond once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Strafe-Jump.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Pyrite[medkit] will Snipe, flea will MP5k spam, and you will die. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were playing beta 2.3, you made head-shots from across the map with a Baretta, took head-shots and lived, and knew which Aimbot Sard[medkit] was using.
Which Aimbot is Sard[medkit] using?
Don't expect anyone to heal you. Maybe you’ll have a good Medic. Maybe you'll have kick ass Flag-Runner. But you never know when either one might give you the Boot of Passion.
Don't mess too much with your binds or by the time you're done you will overflow every time you connect to a server.
Be careful with the grenades you pick up, there is nothing worse than popping smoke when you think you have HE. Flash-Bangs are a form of territorial pissing. Picking up weapons off a dead guy is a way of fishing ammo from the disposal, wiping off the blood, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the Urban Terror.
Written by Pyrite[medkit] & Sard*Pi* in 2002. Modified for 1up Forums 2009. Played to the tune of "Everybody's Free" by Baz Luhrmann. Greetz to 1up from Sgt. Pyrite !
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